an appetite for the lovely inside.

Okay, so I went with Katherine and we joined Weight Watchers. I never thought I'd join a weight management group in my lifetime. Oddly, it was actually an enjoyable experience. We met some nice ladies. And it wasn't like an AA meeting, which is what I was expecting. Katherine joined for her health; she was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism (?) and she's just tired of being unhealthy. I joined to support both her and Alfred, and also, because my weight is the only thing in my life that I can really control. Right now, my life is so fucking intense; random obstacles are being thrown in my face left and right, and I can't control any of it, and 4 out of 5 times, I make bad decisions when it comes to those obstacles. I don't really eat right anyway. I only eat like once or twice a day, and even though I eat relatively healthy and greenly, since I'm not eating at regular intervals, my metabolism is totally warped. Plus, I fucking sleep like 12 hours a day. In the past eight or so months, I've gained like 20+ lbs. Granted, I've never really been remotely close to my doctor's recommended weight, but I have been lighter, and I'm always happier when I am. Right now, I'm not too happy with myself, mentally and physically. I figure if like the outside more, I'd feel better on the inside, and then maybe I wouldn't be stuck in the depressed stage of my manic depressiveness...yeah, that's right, I'm fucking crazy. I'm not one of those crazy anorexic girls when it comes to my weight. I don't mind being fleshy. I just have a closet full of totally babe-alicious clothes that I can't quite fit into anymore, and yeah, they fill like 90% of my wardrobe. Seriously, if I lost like 25 lbs, I'd have enough outfits to last me like 3 months without ever wearing the same thing twice...sick, huh? I'll admit it: I used to shop like mad...and if I had the cash to burn, I'd probably still shop like mad, cause I sure do love new clothes. I'm such a girl. Yeah, I need to go back to being happy, because I miss seeing my smile.