in search of similarity.

This afternoon, I went to PhilaU to pick up Felicia because I promised her I'd help her out with her location search for her thesis. So we drove all the way to Malvern on Rt. 30, and then back. We drove around scores of neighborhoods and housing developments all along the way, but we just could not find the perfect suburb; a place where every house is perfectly planned, and insanely similar. We gave up. And then she bought me a sandwich and a cup soup from Quizno's, and she gave me five bucks for gas...also known as: cigarette money.

Anyway. So I had to park all the way on 2nd and Pine, but I didn't even care because four blocks is chump change. Besides, I need the exercise. I should've just walked down to the Tin Angel, or some joint for a fucking pint, or two. Shit. I don't know why, but lately, I've just been getting smashed. I'm just sorta sick of it all, and I feel like it's that time again: to be self-destructive. I just want to drink, and smoke, and do drugs, and have sex, and drive, and listen to music, and have coffee at odd hours in the extreme a.m., and have self-depreciative conversations with someone who's equally down in the dumps these days. Sometimes, the only way for me to feel alive, is to abuse myself.
I just want to look back in five years and be able to say to myself, "Yeah, I had a time, and if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a goddamn thing."
I know that everything will be alright in the end. I can't be expected to have it all worked out; I'm only 22 years old. I wouldn't be surprised if took me until I'm 30. It'll all turn out in the end...you'll see.