Wednesday, September 29, 2004

she's creating her own space.

Alright. Let me be honest. For the past few days, I've been living in my second parellel. I'm still the same person, I just do things a little differently. Sometimes, I have to go back to the mentality that I was when I was 17 years old. I just needed to go back to the Feel Theory. Katherine knows all about that half-baked logic. Anyway.

Felicia's whole architecture thesis that she's working on is about consumerism and how the growth of America has affected the way we use space in our homes, and how that space grows in structure, but becomes wasted resources. Something like that; that's the best way for me to put it in a nutshell. So, I've been cleaning my apartment, and I just see my stuff. And I was thinking, that no matter where I am, I've always felt at home in my bedroom. That's just the place where I've always hung out. My parents know this. My old roomies all know this. Everyone just knows this. It's just weird that I now have my own place, all to myself. It's weird having to live in not just a bedroom, because I've gotten so used to having everything that I need to feel comfortable all in one space. When you spread your stuff out, you're just like, "dude, I really don't have that much stuff." And when you say it like that, it's pretty obivous psychology. I feel like I need to acquire more things that make me feel comfortable; like my possessions are a direct link to who I am, and just seeing this shit reminds me of who I once was, and am. We all tend to lose who we are, or at least I do. And so, I just need to spend time alone in my bedroom, with my stuff...with me. But with my three level apartment, it's hard to hang out in your space, when you need more stuff to justify who you are.

Lately, for the past few days, to be quite honest, I've just needed to feel who I am. So yeah, the Feel Theory involves narcotics and space. You just need to be alone. And occasionally, it's good to be with people who know the importance of having conversations created with silence, and with a general understanding of who you are.

That is all.

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